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 Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion)

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Gloryangel


FusionFall Name : Josie Gloryangel
Level : 17
Female Posts : 2653
Join date : 2012-09-03
Age : 19
FF Location : ♫ ♪ where the party's at ♪ ♫

PostSubject: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion)   Mon Jun 02, 2014 11:25 am

Past Chapters (just in case you need to refresh your memory) :

part 1:
 

part 2:
 

part 3:
 

part 4:
 


part 5:
 


PART 6



I saw him standing there with the cool air of the beach.

Something was pulling me away, just so that i couldn't reach his hand that left my grip.

As he gets smaller and smaller in the distance i feel the pull of thick cords around my arms.

"Please.

"Come with me."

Silence.

I close my eyes as the world becomes darkness.

Questions run through my head.

Why was i here.

Why did he leave me.

How come i'm all alone?

How come he didn't learn like i did?

"NO!" i hear a scream in the distance.

Someone calling my name over.

And over.

And over.


It's so dark.

The think blackness chills my skin but there's no where to go.



I hear him.

Calling.


But i am alone.

* * *

I open my eyes when i feel the heat.

People are all around me.

Dabbing their noses.

And stifling their cries.

I look around and that's when i see it.


He's on the bench in the sun.
He's running to find the answer.
His hand comforting my heart.

Those past few months felt like a blur.

It was so cold and i was alone.

He tried to help me, and succeeded.

I know now, that i was never alone.

But as i get up and walk silently towards him, the crowd goes silent.

I walk slow.

It hurts, but i'm okay.


there he is.

He rescued me.

But couldn't save himself.





I whisper, "i love you" to the pale boy laying down in the coffin.


THE END





discussion:
 





So.... what did you guess think?

Feedback?

I'm going to write a bajillion more rough drafts before i finalize it and publish it...

But do you like it?

Would you buy it?

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Elite Warrior

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Ace Cometshark


FusionFall Name : Ace Cometshark
Level : 36
Male Posts : 2028
Join date : 2012-05-29
Age : 17
FF Location : Sector V

PostSubject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion)   Mon Jun 02, 2014 11:50 am



why is everything you right so sad?

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What does your Legacy say about you? Guys, I think it's time for a return.
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GrumpMySheep


FusionFall Name : Grumpy Druidsheep
Level : 36
Male Posts : 872
Join date : 2013-12-05
Age : 21

PostSubject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion)   Mon Jun 02, 2014 11:57 am

lol this is basically the you meeting Riley story,

except he never dies,  nor that beach thing.  Well you get what I mean  No Idea
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Gloryangel


FusionFall Name : Josie Gloryangel
Level : 17
Female Posts : 2653
Join date : 2012-09-03
Age : 19
FF Location : ♫ ♪ where the party's at ♪ ♫

PostSubject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion)   Mon Jun 02, 2014 4:17 pm

Well marcelo... let me explain this differently and maybe you'll see my inspiration...

The girl wasn't really that bad off, but she had just gotten to a point where she was just kinda drifting away  ( the story is more exagerated... but you know where i'm going)

The boy didn't neccessarily say he'd help her, but he told her they'd be a team, that he'd be with her and they'd always be together..

On their journey the girl realized that the boy was starting to bring her down.. when she acted on it, he shut down.
And in a way, made her shut down too... and she'll always remember that...

But she has moved on from it.

He made her choice, and she made his...



It's a little different.. but do you make the connection now?




And lol ace xD hahahahaha

Yeaaah well i guess it's easier to set a mood and move people with a sad story than a happy one Razz 




But i've told you guys, my writing is a lot different than my personality haha

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PostSubject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion)   Today at 5:03 am

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