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FusionFall Name : Josie Gloryangel Level : 17 Posts : 2654 Join date : 2012-09-03 Age : 27 FF Location : ♫ ♪ where the party's at ♪ ♫
Subject: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion) Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:25 am
Past Chapters (just in case you need to refresh your memory) :
part 1:
It stopped.
Why did it stop.
Everything is moving slower than before.
Almost so i can see the pain melt out of her eyes,
just to be replaced by nothing.
nothingness. It's all around us.
she drifts away like she's being carried by water.
but it's beautiful black water that wraps around her arms and limbs and each individual hair on her head.
she's going.
why?
Can't They Just Realize What I'd Done??
now i'm here alone.
in the nothing.
I'm sorry i couldn't save you.
i'm sorry.
she's drifting further and further into the darkness.
I can only see her feet left, as her ankles are being swallowed.
No.
No.
No.
i grab her foot before it's completely gone.
the black in cold and thick.
like wet clay.
i can't see her.
i can't feel her.
but i KNOW
that we will get back.
I WILL find a way.
part 2:
The pavement is cracked. They came up with the idea so the grounds could be smooth. It's funny how that's not how it works. Something that's meant to be perfect ends up being worse than the original. The dirt at least would be compact and firm. But pavement still cracks. No matter what happens.
The sun wipes across my neck as i stare at the pavement and i can tell i'm getting sunburned. But soon the warmth is replaced by the chill of the shade, and i can see the shadow of a person behind me on the ground.
"Be careful, you wouldn't want to get cancer and die or something."
It's a girls voice. It sounds so familiar, like i've heard it before. But i can't remember hearing anything like it.
I can't remember anything.
Just the pavement.
"I don't think I need someone to tell me that i'm going to die." i continue to look at the pavement.
"well a little reminder doesn't hurt." I don't really know why she's still talking, but i don't mind the company honestly.
She comes around the bench and sits next to me. Now i look up at her.
Wow, she's gorgeous. Yet again she's familiar, but i still don't remember anything.
"Who knew that such a handsome face would only want pavement as company?"
"oh yes, the pavement is the only one who understands me."
She laughs, and i just breath out more to acknowledge that i thought this whole scenario was ridiculous.
I go back to looking at the cracked and bumpy pavement, and when she speaks again i notice that the warmth from the sun has gone and the sky was filled with colors.
"so, what are you doing here?"
"that's a bit of a nosy question for a girl i've just met don't you think?"
"yeah, but i'm not talking about this bench." suddenly i was very intrigued by the question. I guess I didn't really think about it. She continues after the pause "Don't feel bad. i don't know either."
And she got up and walked away.
I ran after her.
"you don't remember anything right?"
"right, and how do you know that?"
"i can't remember either. Don't you want to know why?"
I decided to stop responding. I could tell that she knew nothing more than i did.
"how did you know i couldn't remember?"
"firstly, i've felt like i've done this before." Well that makes both of us. "secondly, look around."
They sunny park that surrounded us was empty. We were the only ones here.
As i studied the horizon of the never ending greenery, and wall of grey appeared. A cloud of dust began to dissolve the color that was around us. Buildings rose out of the ground and imprinted the grey sky with they shattered windows.
She looked at me, "it changes. When i first got here, i was in a dark room, and when i opened the door, you were out there sitting in the sun. Don't ask me why"
Of course the first thing i wanted to ask was why, but we just continued to walk alone in this abandoned capital. Too far gone by pollution and wickedness to hold a population of a decent city. Though the scenery was gloomy, i was just amazed.
I was no longer alone. It was almost like I had found what i was looking for. I took the girls hand and we walked through the city.
part 3:
The moon loomed over us as we walked through the smashed city. I could hear the girls breath and she got colder and colder. I had no jacket, because it wasn't cold half an hour ago, but it's so strange how things seemed to get stranger, even though nothing wrong was happening.
It was a sign of terribleness.
But where were the terrors?
"what's that?"
I was startled at how much i had forgotten her voice, even though her hand grew more and more comfortable in mine.
I looked to the place where she motioned.
There was an orange glow in an alleyway between two of the skyscrapers.
"you wait here and i'll check it out." i began to ran towards the light. As i turned the corner the alleyways full glory was shown.
A long pathway, a mile long, led to a giant bon fire. Other people were there sitting and laughing. The sky was clear and i found myself drawn in. As i got closer i could see about twenty people there chatting about.
"Brother!" someone called from the bonfire and waved at me.
"I'm sorry, i think you must be mistaking."
The boy ran closer until i could see he definitely had half a foot of heat on me, "anyone is welcome. We're all family here!" he took me under his arm and led me to the fire.
The sky started turning crisp, clear, and starry. The air was warm, and as i noticed that the city had vanished, i was handed a jug.
"Drink!" the person next to me urged. My face remained confused, and so he just tipped the jug up to my lips and i drank.The liquid spilled everywhere and made me move wet and slow. So i sat there.
"what was that?" my voice was choked and lost, but the girl in front of me just smiled and said "Liquid Love," Well that's a stupid name. "here, this will make you feel better." light it, then eat it.
She just handed me a match box. I lit a match and ate it.
The fire in front of me grew ten times in size. And i suddenly felt a lot lighter than before. My limbs and mouth were no longer controllable. And the night streamed by like a blur of Liquid Love and matches.
I woke up that morning on a sunny beach.
The fire was gone.
The people were gone.
The girl i left in the city,
Was gone.
part 4:
The streets were empty.
My only hope of getting out of here is gone.
I sat down. The tears cam without my willing.
It all seems too familiar. The betrayals and emptyness.
I stay sitting as the city around me melts away into a meadow.
The warm breeze brushes my hair and suddenly the sky is dark.
When i look up to the clouds i see bright shining stars.
Just when i start to feel hopeful the clouds come back and cover the sparkling sky. A forest appears around me and the trees turn dark and ominous reminding me of my loneliness. The shadows scare me too much so i close my eyes and let the warmth return and take me away.
In the morning, it's cold.
A hand is shaking my shoulder and my eyes open immediately. There he is. I smile and give him a hug before he can speak.
The new room is cold and bleak and without any door.
We just sit and talk as the room gets colder.
The hours get longer and more painful, but i don't really mind, it's not too bad. But he gets more and more restless.
"we need to stop sitting around"
"what? Why?"
"because this is boring that's why."
He begins to pace and look around. I can see a smile form on his face as he finds a crack in the wall tlhat wasn't there before. His fingers trace the crack until he's able to find an opening. He pulls the thin metal wall back and there's a beach i've never seen before.
He sighs a breath of relief and steps out, "c'mon! It's perfect out here!"
It's gets brighter outside as my heart starts to sink, "but, it wasn't too bad in here. Don't leave me."
His eyes suddenly become confused as the door starts to close more and more.
Though, the walls begin to disintegrate around me and the door is shutting trapping him inside.
"No!" i start shouting and remember i don't know his name, "Hey! Are you okay?!" but i get no reply.
I start to punch the metal until it becomes flimsy. When i break the wall i see that it's sunny on the other side too. He looks up at me with watered eyes, but he doesn't move.
He just looks.
part 5:
I look at her standing in between the metal walls that she had pushed open.
The scenery keeps changing around us,
as if it can't tell whether to set a happy or sad mood.
"why are we here?" I plead silently.
"because we have to learn" her tears began to roll down her cheeks.
Learn what? So far all I've ever known is that I just feel this pull to always be unhappy.
Like something in the world doesn't let someone be happy.
She cut's into my thoughts, "we have to learn how to be happy."
The sun starts to appear and shine brighter as I think how ridiculous and childish that sounds. But the clouds are becoming darker on her side as she is trying to reach out for me. Both with her words and her hands.
"This place is weird, I get that. But I think we've learned our lesson. Wherever we came from we need to get back."
"But I don't want to go back," I whisper.
"you don't want to go back? Don't you want to know who you are?"
I begin to feel angry with her persistence and the beach becomes warmer on my feet, "No. Not really. Great things can happen here, you just don't believe it!"
Her eyes become more glossy and wet, "but, I just, I..."
she was silent.
her hand was reaching for me.
But I pull away.
PART 6
I saw him standing there with the cool air of the beach.
Something was pulling me away, just so that i couldn't reach his hand that left my grip.
As he gets smaller and smaller in the distance i feel the pull of thick cords around my arms.
"Please.
"Come with me."
Silence.
I close my eyes as the world becomes darkness.
Questions run through my head.
Why was i here.
Why did he leave me.
How come i'm all alone?
How come he didn't learn like i did?
"NO!" i hear a scream in the distance.
Someone calling my name over.
And over.
And over.
It's so dark.
The think blackness chills my skin but there's no where to go.
I hear him.
Calling.
But i am alone.
* * *
I open my eyes when i feel the heat.
People are all around me.
Dabbing their noses.
And stifling their cries.
I look around and that's when i see it.
He's on the bench in the sun. He's running to find the answer. His hand comforting my heart.
Those past few months felt like a blur.
It was so cold and i was alone.
He tried to help me, and succeeded.
I know now, that i was never alone.
But as i get up and walk silently towards him, the crowd goes silent.
I walk slow.
It hurts, but i'm okay.
there he is.
He rescued me.
But couldn't save himself.
I whisper, "i love you" to the pale boy laying down in the coffin.
THE END
discussion:
SO WHAT THE CUSS JUST HAPPENED?!?!?!
Haha well,
Basically the story is based off of marcelos old signiture, I don't exactly remember it anymore lol
But what happened,
The girl went into depression... and she was contemplating ending it all... (is this too 13+ ?? Well you can move this topic into there if any of the mods so feel is neccessary)
Anyways, she was contemplating killing herself, when someone she really admired tried to come to her rescue. They "go through [heck]" (the place, not the swear word) litterally. They wander around trying to figure out why they're there,
while in reality they are both kinda shut down, only talking to each other, but everything blurs past them.
The devil of course, wants them to be as unhappy as possible... so why would it be tempting to do bad things if it was all fire and darkness?
Whenever they begin to fall into the tempations, the world around them because better, convincing them that everything is fine, while when they're happy, everything turns dark to make them lose all hope.
In the end, the girl gets better and decides it's time to move on, and she tries to convince the boy that, but he's already lost so much hope, he decides to stay, and make the ultimate commitment to the new world he has found.
In reality, he dies. And the scene ends with her at his funeral, finally realizing what has happened, and that he tried to save her...
So.... what did you guess think?
Feedback?
I'm going to write a bajillion more rough drafts before i finalize it and publish it...
But do you like it?
Would you buy it?
Elite Warrior
Ace Meteor Cometshark
FusionFall Name : Ace Cometshark Level : 36 Posts : 1978 Join date : 2012-05-29 Age : 25 FF Location : Sector V
Subject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion) Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:50 am
Why is everything you write so sad?
Last edited by Ace Cometshark on Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:04 am; edited 1 time in total
Member
GrumpMySheep
FusionFall Name : Grumpy Druidsheep Level : 36 Posts : 869 Join date : 2013-12-04 Age : 28
Subject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion) Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:57 am
lol this is basically the you meeting Riley story,
except he never dies, nor that beach thing. Well you get what I mean
Member
Gloryangel
FusionFall Name : Josie Gloryangel Level : 17 Posts : 2654 Join date : 2012-09-03 Age : 27 FF Location : ♫ ♪ where the party's at ♪ ♫
Subject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion) Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:17 am
Well marcelo... let me explain this differently and maybe you'll see my inspiration...
The girl wasn't really that bad off, but she had just gotten to a point where she was just kinda drifting away ( the story is more exagerated... but you know where i'm going)
The boy didn't neccessarily say he'd help her, but he told her they'd be a team, that he'd be with her and they'd always be together..
On their journey the girl realized that the boy was starting to bring her down.. when she acted on it, he shut down. And in a way, made her shut down too... and she'll always remember that...
But she has moved on from it.
He made her choice, and she made his...
It's a little different.. but do you make the connection now?
And lol ace xD hahahahaha
Yeaaah well i guess it's easier to set a mood and move people with a sad story than a happy one
But i've told you guys, my writing is a lot different than my personality haha
Member
Gloryangel
FusionFall Name : Josie Gloryangel Level : 17 Posts : 2654 Join date : 2012-09-03 Age : 27 FF Location : ♫ ♪ where the party's at ♪ ♫
Subject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion) Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:24 am
Bet y'all didn't know that I was still working on this xD
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Subject: Re: Diving into darkness: THE END (plus discussion)